This is why my loving husband should NEVER attempt to buy me a purse

This is the actual text of my side of a conversation with a friend, who had just bought a new purse.  I started browsing around, thinking that maybe I’d like a new one, too, but almost every example that I saw had SOMEthing that made it impractical, unattractive (to me), or otherwise weirded me out.  I had NO idea that I had made so very many rules to govern something as “simple” as an item to carry around and stuff receipts and loose change into, lol.

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I don’t like them to be too square
but not too rectangular
and I don’t like a flap
and I don’t like them too bright
or shiny
or have dangly crap on them
or a bunch of chain
or whimsical
any pattern at all would have to be very, very subtle
and I don’t like bows
or pastels
or crocodile-y
or ostrich-y
or fuzzy
I don’t like them to look too “hard”
like stiff
but I don’t want it all mooshy and just falls into a puddle if you set it down either
and I don’t like them to put on a bunch of zippers just for decoration
and I don’t like contrasting trim
and I don’t really like color blocking at all
and it must have at least one outside pocket
and a couple inside
but NOT too many
I don’t want it to be nylon-y
or basket-weave-y
and probably not canvas-y, either
oh, and not suede
and it needs to be flat on the bottom, so a half-moon shape would NEVER work
but it shouldn’t taper way down, so the bottom is small, but the top is really wide
and I don’t want it to look like a bolster pillow
and a clutch is out
and it shouldn’t be too big
and the strap can’t fall off my shoulder all of the time
and I don’t really like 2 handles
and I am never going to pay a big fat pile of money just for a designer label

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I wonder what else I have a million rules about!

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One Response to This is why my loving husband should NEVER attempt to buy me a purse

  1. GGinNC says:

    You forgot that it must be able to support 53 1/2 lbs of coins & paper without looking messy… or being heavy.

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